What You “Should” Do in Your Twenties

Saw a report this morning. The U.S. dropped from 15th to 23rd in happiest countries. Said it was mainly due to young people feeling worse about their lives. “Americans under 30 years ranked 62nd globally in terms of well-being.” I read over and came back to the “under 30” part. 

So, your “20’s,” basically.

Image created by author, Matthew Desotell, using Midjourney.

Your “Twenties.” That is a real threshold in life. 

So is age of 4 or 5. And maybe when you get married. And some point in your 30’s when you realize you’re not a kid anymore.

But, your “Twenties.” Lots of mixed messages. People say you’re just a kid but you’re actually, legally, an adult at 21. Some people expect you to get more serious by taking more responsibility. Others say it’s a great time to take risks.

Suddenly other “kids” are going to college. Some to really good schools. Some to really popular ones. Some aren’t. Yet. Or maybe at all.

Some kids have majors picked out. Some really sound like they know what they want and others say they do, but it doesn’t seem like they do. Some kids have major pressure from their parents. Some have none at all. 

It’s like a starting gun went off after high school and everyone takes off running. They’re dashing in a variety of directions and speeds. Some look like professional runners. Straight, narrow, and in stride. Others stumble quickly off track straight into some thorny bushes. Some burn out and need to catch their breath. 

Like any herd, there’s a lot of activity, and of course one feels the need to look like they’re going somewhere too.

There was an old hunting method where hunters on horseback would run a herd of buffalo off a cliff, then go down to the bottom to gather their kill.

A story like that can make you appreciate a fast-food drive thru.

Society isn’t necessarily herding anyone off a cliff, but getting swept up into herd activity can be disorienting and can lead to choosing a direction one doesn’t want to truthfully take.

Right now, some suffering young soul is sitting in the bottom 20% of their class at a top 20 school, and feeling pretty bad about that. But, they got into the school where one of their parents went. Box checked. Now what?

Schools and Majors and Job Titles and Salaries sound seductive just by their very mention. All sound like things we certainly ought to be going after.

Your Twenties. It’s like someone said, “Well… show us what you’ve got.”

Perform. Do it. Make it. Go…

Make money.

Make babies.

Find someone.

Be happy.

Be successful.

Of course everyone means well. But the signal sent is always the same. We’re taught to think in terms of what we should be doing.

Meaning what we’re supposed to do.

What others expect us to do.

Others, meaning society, and Society, meaning parents, friends, friends’ parents, teachers, peers and the herd in general.

The Expectations: Basically, do everything kinda like we did, but better because you all have more than we did. And maybe the unsaid — because there are no great wars to fight, so it should be easier because you have more options.

Everyone wants the answer. 

No one really knows the answer.

There isn’t one, really. Not to this.

The herd guesses. The herd is always guessing.

It’s persuasive because so many are running in it with loud intensity and desperation. So surely, if we’re not doing the same, we’re being left out of something.

While there’s no official correct answer, the best guide to what you truly want or should do, will always be the Truth.

The Truth is always the answer. 

But that “answer” is harder and takes some getting to. And it’s hard to think “honestly” when everyone around you is selling you on a decided path that was sold to them. And running around chasing things isn’t conducive to truth seeking.

I don’t know how much time any of us can reasonably explore the romance and mystery of truth seeking but I do know one of the best times to do it.

Your Twenties.

Instead of simply and automatically embarking on the trail marked “WHAT YOU SHOULD DO,” what if you explored one marked “WHAT CAN YOU DO?”

Objectively, what are the things you can do in your Twenties?

Think about it. Truthfully.

What’s generally unique about your twenties? Like, the fact that you’re likely not married with kids who depend on you, and likely not tied into a long term job commitment. So, what kind of things could you do now that you can not, so easily, at other times in your life?

Instead of thinking about what you should be doing, which is like watching what everyone else is doing and possibly tricking yourself into picking something like one of those things, Think: What do I get the opportunity to do now?

List them. 

You’ve likely already made a mental list of things you don’t have by comparing yourself to others. But what are the things you verifiably have now, and get to do?

Like… 

You are an actual adult now. And with that comes certain freedoms you did not have just a few years ago.

You can travel.

You can get lost.

You can go places.

You can taste good wine.

You can talk to strangers.

You can read whatever books you want now.

Watch any movie you want now.

You can dress differently.

You can make new friends.

You can live cheap.

You can take a “whatever” job for some time, just to make some money, in order to explore some of life and the world around you.

You can go to college now. Or at a later time. Or not at all.

You can take courses in something to see what it’s like.

You can pursue your interest in ___________. That thing that might not be obviously transferable into a career path, but for a year or two it doesn’t matter. And once you’ve done it, or tried it — now you know about it.

You can try things and not have to actually “lose” at anything because you’re just trying something. You’re actively, honestly, pursuing your interests. 

You can never go wrong by pursuing your interests because you’ll always be going towards the Truth.

You can make your time meaningful and have a story to tell afterwards when asked.

You might work for free in order to gain experience. You might never again be able to work for free. And if you can work for free, that can act as leverage and be an advantage you get to take advantage of. For a while.

You get to test, experiment, play, try, change, and learn about things freely and at your own pace.

All of this to say, you get to tamper with the most precious resource there known to Humans. That which can never be truly saved or stored, and the thing everyone always wants more of.

TIME.

For a special TIME in your life you’ll have two things people covet the most — Time and Youth. It’s like freedom on steroids. 

The next time you’ll have that much freedom of time will likely be in your 70’s or 80’s, but you won’t have your youth. You might have the time to travel to a mountain but not the youth to climb it. You’ll get to do other things in your 70’s and 80’s by the way. Good things too. And you can make a list of those things then. 

Every stage of life offers opportunities to do things that are unique to it from the others.

In your Twenties, you’ll have both Freedom of Time, and Youth. You’ll still be young in your thirties and can be in your forties too, but not like this. In later stages of life you’ll have commitments and responsibilities that require your time. And are hopefully things make your life richer.

But in your 20’s, if you have little or nothing, then you have little to nothing to lose. If no one needs anything from you, there’s no one to let down. And if you only require a little, then you can do a lot.

In your Twenties it will not be possible to appreciate the full value of Time at this time because you won’t have the experience to. And while you can’t fully realize it yet, you can intellectualize it. If you’re reading this, know it’s a voice from the future who was once in their Twenties speaking to you from a later point in time called “Your Forties.”

In your Twenties, you don’t need to be concerned with spending your time wisely. Spend your time honestly.

You can simply look at the undeniable. That list above. But the one you get to make, about what you absolutely have now and the things you get to do.

And whatever you see staring back at you on that list, know that you will never have more time and freedom in your life to pursue those things than you do in Your Twenties.

- M.

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